How to make an INSANE curry

Doug's Kitchen

Here’s a very special, tasty curry I’m so happy to share. If you’re in Auckland, I can tell you where to get the ingredients, too!

The backstory to this curry is pretty simple. I had gone on a 2 month hiatus from making curries because… I was getting bored! 

Yes, bored of curries. WHAT. WHO EVEN AM I. It’s a perversion. Curry by its nature is about… constant and never ending variation! Cooking a curry is a special time where I get to be a mad scientist chucking fucked-up herbs and spices into a pot and laughing maniacally:

‘No, son! No mortal man can possibly eat that many cardomom pods!’

‘If you eat that curry, you will literally DIE.’

‘I put a ghost chilli in the curry.’

You put a ghost chilli in the curry? Are you nuts? A whole ghost chilli pepper?

‘No, I mean a whole ghost chilli plant, leaves and all.’

‘Did you put drugs in this curry?

‘No, that’s just the chillies. And the drugs. Oh wait, I did put in some drugs!’


Pictured above: the face of pure, unrefined evil. Wait, but at least it’s unrefined right? Unlike damn Olive Oil. Bah!

Alas, things stopped being so interesting. I found myself doing the same ‘sautee onions and garlic in spices, tomatoes coconut cream’ over and over and over. I wanted something different. Basically every curry was the same Aloo Dum, like this, which is delicious and I highly recommend, but as I said, a bad habit we can fall into is making the same curry over and over again without variation.

So when I got my hands on these delicious ‘lamb’
tenderloins at the Blissful Health and Vegetarian Shop, Mt Albert, my immediate thought was “lamb?” “lamb curry?”


Lamb? Damb! Sweet, I’ll make a “lamb” curry.

But then we noticed I had a beetroot in my fridge from ages ago. It amazed me how long those things can last. It’s a real example of the power of taproot vegetables!

So I googled ‘beetroot lamb curry” and clicked into this link. And I followed the recipe to the dot. – besides these changes:

  • Replacing 750 grams of real baby sheep leg with 200 grams of TVP fake lamb tenderloin like a BOSS.
  • Replaced the plain yoghurt with this coconut yoghurt like a BOSS.


  • Replaced the ghee with margarine like a CHAMP
  • Finally, I didn’t boil the beetroot, instead just grated it and chucked it in the nutri-bullet like a GANGSTER.

So here’s a comparison picture of the original curry vs my vegan counterpart:


So after a 2 month hiatus off curries, I came back with a bang! This was a total success. Probably the best curry I’ve ever made. If Donald Trump tried this curry he’d probably use words like “tremendous” and “terrific” to describe it. I give thanks to the easy to veganise recipe which really encouraged me to deviate from the usual. It’s the complete opposite of my usual curry – it’s meaty, creamy and fatty and delicious. It gave me that sweet, sweet heartburn. But it’s also vegan. Give it a go!


By the way, if you’re looking for an interesting and exciting take on an Aloo Dum curry, try this recipe or DIE.

I mean DIET. If you’re not gonna eat these tasty curries you might as well go on a diet.

Anyway, since you were so patient reading this whole article, here’s some awesome curry-related content to share with you:

A baby using some roti as a blanket:


A Malaysian Wedding with a rediculously huge pot of curry:


A chef totally stoked over his kitchen packed with Indian food:



A funny skit featuring Rowan Atkinson as an Indian Waiter:

Well, that’s all, folks! Please hurry and share me your curry-related stuff! Bye-bye!


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