The other day I wrote a post about food poisoning! Specifically me getting food poisoning! Can you believe it, me? I need your pity. And your money! You see, I had to wait 2 hours in the hospital waiting room and, really, I should be paid for the time, don’t you think! I need attention and chocolates!
Anyway, I got better and have decided to write a super-cool list of great (vegan friendly) cures for food poisoning. And they actually work, which is cool. Believe me, they really do. If I can just chuck in some advice, I recommend you should actually deliberately poison yourself just so you can try these out! That’s how awesome and effective they are!
This is an old family medicine that boasts the power to “stop food poisoning in its tracks.” It seems to instantly ease an upset stomach and other nasty symptoms. And fortunately there’s science to back up the claim that it fights listeria, which is associated with food poisoning.
The flavour can be quite powerful, so you should start with a teaspoon of clove oil in a standard glass of water. Its helpful to find other ways of incorporating clove into your diet, like adding it to your tea or hot chocolate.
Do I really need to explain? Does the mighty lemon need any introduction? Lemons are full of antiviral and immune boosting properties that helps your body fight back strong against food poisoning.
I haven’t had a cold in 3 years and I personally thank Lemons for that!
Bananas have made this list not because they’re filled with helpful, anti-poison nutrients, but because bananas are so easy on the stomach, and when you have food poisoning, the prospect of eating doesn’t excite you that much.
Bananas will make a great staple food while also being easy on your system, allowing your body to focus on fighting off the poison.
Peppermint tea soothes your stomach and has a lot of helpful benefits, like fighting nausea, but more importantly it chills you out! And when you’ve got food poisoning, you gotta be chill and relaxed. I like to buy Healtheries Peppermint tea (its cheap af)
Better yet, just grow your own peppermint! It grows like a weed and requires little maintenance. At my old home we have three peppermint plants, and they need to be contained in pots or they’ll take over the whole property. If you want to live in a peppermint Jumanji jungle, that’s fine too.
Raw Garlic Juice or Toast
Raw Garlic, as we all know, is an antibiotic that sorts your stomach out big time, but we all have a problem with eating it. When I want to eat raw garlic, I will either mash it and mix it in with icy water to make ‘Garlic Juice’ or, for a more tasty option, mash it up and chuck it on some toast. Consider getting a nutri-bullet, it makes eating raw easier and allows you to incorporate raw foods into your diet in all sorts of ways, garlic included.
Here’s a great article on the health benefits of chewing raw garlic.
Apple Cider Vinegar
This stuff can basically help with all your food-poisoning ailments. The fact that it’s so cheap is great, too. It doesn’t taste particularly great when drunken whole, but if you’re going through food poisoning, bad tasting food should be the least of your worries. Not dying should be first. Don’t wanna die? Drink apple cider vinegar. If I sold vinegar that what be my advertising slogan. ‘Drink it or you’ll die.’ Demographics indicate that most people don’t want to die. I don’t wanna die, so I drink vinegar.
Ginger is like steroids for your blood – it makes things happen faster. Some people consider it ‘the most powerful food poisoning remedy.‘
When your mates find out you’ve got food poisoning and pop by with a bottle of Kombucha, that’s when you know you’ve got some solid mates. Kombucha is a probiotic which helps your stomach fight disease and infection! Here’s an article about why you should drink it every day.
Shut the hell up and drink some water! It’s probably the best thing you can do to help food poisoning. Just make sure the water supply hasn’t been poisoned, that’s happening all the time these days and the last thing you want is to drink poison. Poison does not cure poisoning. Believe me. Non-poisonous water is the best kind of water.
Some other thing to try…
If Activated Charcoal is good enough for poison control centres, it’s good enough for us! This stuff is an astounding antitoxin which can pretty quickly flush poisons out of your body. You’ll be flushed with success!
I had a friend who always took this stuff. Apparently it cures everything. I’ll believe her. But yeah, apparently it cures food poisoning too. While there’s no scientific proof, there’s plenty of anecdotal evidence. Wait, sorry, I hate that term ‘anecdotal evidence’. It’s an oxymoron. People just say it works, okay? It’s like the iMac of alternative medicine – “it does everything and it just works”. Sounds good!
Now, I’m not condoning the use of illegal drugs – oh wait a minute, I totally am!
You see, one of the worst things about food poisoning is constant nausea. It just sucks. Fortunately there’s an illegal drug called cannabis which actually suppresses the hell out of nausea and stops you from vomiting and does a whole bunch of other beneficial things too, but I will not divulge in for the sake of this poor hyperlink which is really being stretched to its limits. But yeah, you won’t be vomiting or nauseous, which is good.
Cannabis is good.